Thoughts on Friendship

Today, friendship is on my mind. It came about after my friend Sylva posted a photo of us as her profile picture. For those of you who don’t know Sylva, she and I went to the same church (her dad was our wonderful pastor) and continued being friends even when time and distance separated us. Things were always different with Sylva (and Bry for that matter)–I don’t know how to really explain it, just a different emotional experience. Things were quieter with them, more romantic or more beautiful. I think there is a word that doesn’t exist to explain what it’s like with them.

This photo she posted was from a day when she, Bry and I (Bry is my friend that died of cancer in June) celebrated Thanksgiving/autumn one year. We made foods, we played in the leaves, we went on a walk to the truck with the tree growing through it’s hood.

I started thinking about Bry and how I totally lacked in our friendship in the last year of his life. While, I’ve come to terms with this, it doesn’t cause any less ache in my heart. I failed him, seemingly.

So, I’m left wondering how I’m failing other relationships (if I am, I’m not entirely sure). I guess I don’t know how to be what I’m suppose to be. In Bry’s case, it was much more simple, I needed to be there and I wasn’t.

I was thinking today about how a few years ago, the group of friends I had here did a lot of activities together–Thanksgiving dinner, geocaching, general hangingoutness. Much of that is gone for various reasons–romantic relationships, friendships have broken apart, hurt feelings, etc. I spend the majority of my time with Joshua or the Wilsons. I see gRegor occasionally but I’m often swamped with homework or work (which will change soon).

I don’t know if I’m necessarily trying to reach out to form stronger bonds, but rather, I’m just commenting on how time changes so many things. How time can set up so much distance between people that when you pass them on your way to class they’re virtually a stranger when only a few years ago they were your shoulder and you theirs. I don’t want to loseWeight Exercise so much touch with someone that this happens. There are cases when going separate ways are what’s best, but for the most part this scares me.

Like Eric Matthews from Boy Meets World once said,

Lose one friend, loseWeight Exercise all friends, loseWeight Exercise yourself.