Last Words

I’ve not kept up with blogging. I’ve written down several ideas to write about, but time has passed and my memory of what I wanted to say has slowly faded. Perhaps I’ll still get to those other topics (Shawshank Redemption, something about love being a two person commitment, etc). Even this post, which I’ve had on my mind since an episode of How I Met Your Mother, seems less pressing. However, unfortunately, the episode I’m referring to, called Last Words, isn’t the only thing leaving me wondering about leaving you all behind, but Mrs. Wilson’s recent journey with cancer and her thoughts on dying (sooner rather than later-however, all of our lives are determined by God, not by doctors or tumors).

For those of you who don’t know, I live with Mrs. Wilson. She and Jeff, offered a home for me when my lease was up in my apartment. They’re gracious and wanted to help me out with money. I’ve been living there for a year and a half. Mrs. Wilson has been battling cancer for some time, but recently it’s taken a more serious turn. She was in the hospital for a whole week and we found out that the cancer has spread a bit. The chemo seems to have some good effect, however it’s not going to be enough to enter her into remission. This in and out of the hospital fiasco, has started to open our eyes to the reality of cancer’s deadliness. Ovarian cancer is aggressive, most woman diagnosed with it don’t survive nearly as long as Mrs. Wilson has. Time is not promised simply because it has been given.

While visiting her in the hospital, we talked about dying, how it may be closer than we hope for, how it’s suddenly hitting us that it may take her, that it may finally win. Mrs. Wilson has so much faith in Christ and doesn’t fear her afterlife, but the actual dying part, the departing from us, the moment of her last heartbeat is what frighten hers a bit. She doesn’t want to leave behind anyone or leave anything undone. She had cancer before, when Matthew and Jenny were just little kids and prayed she could live to raise them. She’s been given that, but of course she’s left wanting more (as she should). We should always leave wanting more.

Although Mrs. Wilson hasn’t given me her last words, she’s given me some great thoughts to lean on. She’s said several times that the most important thing in life are our relationships with people. She says that in her last days, whenever they may be, the thing she knows, is that she has to be with the people she loves and she lives this out every day–through telephone conversations, through late night kitchen conversations, through countless cards she sends and receives.  She gives herself completely to people, always looking for ways to help.

Another thing she says often is to cherish the days you are in good health. I know that it’s very easy to take for granted all the days we feel great, it’s not until we’re heaving our insides or feel our heads aching that we remember how fortunate good health it.  Along with this is taking care of yourself–exercise and healthy eating options.

Without sharing any spoilers (I know gRegor is watching HIMYM), the episode I’m referring to talks about the importance (or unimportance of last words). In the episode one of the characters is having a hard time dealing with a death and the last words said to them from the person who passed. In the end, they accept the fact that the last words weren’t as important as all the time shared, conversations had and love exchanged.

Both of these things have had me questioning what we,  individually would feel if one of us died.

I don’t necessarily know everyone who is reading this or maybe I haven’t spoken to you sometime. Maybe we’ve simply not seen each other in a long time. Maybe we don’t know how to cross that bride to open up the lines of communication again.

I think we get lost in so many unimportant things in life and loseWeight Exercise sight of the heart of our humanity. When it comes to dying, we put aside all the stupid crap and love each other.

So in the words of Marshall Erikson, “I really really love you guys.”