Find the Gentle Answer

A couple months ago Joshua and I went to an Indian’s game downtown. It got out pretty late, way after dark. We were walking the few blocks back to our car and we were just about there. A woman, was walking towards us. She was African American. We were about a parking space or so away from our car, so I stepped down into the road, to get to the driver’s side and to make room for her to pass. As she passed she said something along the lines of, “Good evening, you don’t have to be afraid of every black person you see.”

I was immediately heated and turned to contest what she said. I raised my voice to let her know that was not at all why I had stepped off the sidewalk, that I was merely going to the driver’s side as we had reached my car. I don’t remember what else I said, but looking back, I should have approached it differently, not in anger, because she probably had plenty of fuel behind her comment.

However, I don’t think her reaction to what she thought was happening was appropriate. I really wanted to explain to her, that not only was I not afraid of her, we had just walked several blocks with an African American couple. That I have plenty of black family members and friends. That at night, it wouldn’t make a different if a black man were walking toward me or if a white man were, if I were alone, I’d still be worried. But of course I didn’t get that chance. What I got was frustration and what Joshua got was a mouthful about how I felt.

I’m white, so I of course don’t have the experience of what it’s like to be truly ridiculed simply because of the color of my skin. That isn’t to say I haven’t felt judged my the color of my skin, which in the past has made me feel like the other person thinks I’m some “stupid white girl.” I know those moments are next to nothing compared to the vast racism towards many other groups worldwide. But I don’t want the past to dictate the way we choose to react to one another. Is that to say we will all go without judging one another? I don’t think so, I don’t know if it’s possible yet. But we can strive to make the difference in the way we react and treat one another.

I felt like her comments only set us back further. My reaction should not have been in anger but in understanding and then in explanation. A gentle reaction could have made the difference. It’s been on my mind since it has happened and at first, I felt so unjustly treated, but that seems selfish now. Now, I just want to make the positive difference, not in just that situation but in any.

The overall lesson from what happened in this situation and with talking to my friend Maurice is, as he says, “Striving to listen.” Reactions happen for a reason, while they may not be personal they can feel personal. When in reality, they are probably deep seeded. Learn to listen, learn to find the gentle answer. Be the difference.

Proverbs 15:1-A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.