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“It's not the length of life, but the depth of life.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
(This blog was written on November 4th, but I couldn’t access my site)
Tonight Joshua and I watched Corgan (Jenny and Brandon’s baby). Jenny and I planned it out a couple days ago. It was their 8th anniversary from when they first started dating. She surprised him by telling him they were just coming up to go out with us. But really, they left Mr. Corgan with us and they headed to Kona Grill for a romantic evening alone. Let me tell you, Jenny looked amazing for such a new mom! She was in a very cute blue dress!
It was good evening with the lil guy. He only cried a little bit, which was a bit surprising because he has been struggling with acid reflux. Mostly he hung out and looked around. However, at one point he had quite the farts and pooped straight through his clothes! So we got him all changed and clean but he moved twice more! He did some eating and then just hung out with us. Later, when Josh took him, he fell right asleep on Josh’s chest.
Jenny and Brandon got back a few hours later and we sat around and chit chatted. It was good. They probably stayed too late because I know they were tired, but Jenny and I just kept on talking.
This brings me to my days of gratitude.
For today (day 4), I’m thankful for friends who talk so much it makes it hard to leave. They kept trying to leave but then Jenny or I would have something else we’d need to talk about or laugh about. It’s a good feeling. I miss this already.
Yesterday’s (day 3) gratitude was for good teachers who make learning fun and bring humor to it. I had training all day yesterday but it was most enjoyable due to a lovely trainer, Della.
That’s all because I’ve been on the go since early this morning and worked overtime, then played with a baby. This lady is headed to bed.
Josh and I were walking back to the car after dinner tonight downtown. We walked past a parking garage and this smell hit me. I asked Josh if he could smell it, because it was faint, not powerful. He did. It smelled exactly like the old library in Bloomington did. We talked a little about how strange it is, that a scent we catch even 20 years later can take us back to childhood. I think the smell came from a heater or vents in the ground. It was a warm smell.
Then I started thinking about how that library use to look. They completely remodeled it and it doesn’t look anything like it did when I was younger. But I remember the lay out and what I thought about it at the time, I wish so much that I could go there because it’s just one of those places I visited so much as a child. It’s nearly heartbreaking.
Then I started thinking about how you view things in your head. But not like it is on TV, with a bubble above your head, or even an exact picture in your head. But you view it, somewhere and can see things by thinking about them. It seems so strange but it’s a normal process we do every day.
Then I started thinking about Ian. How we used to talk about things like–weird things, like the very point of our existence and trying to figure out why God even created us exactly the way we are, why life even really exists. There were other things we thought about too, the things that make your head spin because you can’t find an end or a beginning.
Then it made me miss Ian. Because I could bring the craziest thing to him. Or I could explain my feelings and he would help me understand that it’s OK to feel that way because that’s what you feel.
It’s amazing how time and space can create such a large gap that you just don’t know how to fill it. Or how you can feel at odds with someone so much (not Ian) but in reality it’s probably the internet causing your problems and you just don’t know how to become better friends.
Or how people move and you think they should come home.
Well, I don’t know where all that came from. Blame the the smell downtown.
Well, I was planning on doing the blog every day in November challenge, because it’s National Blog Posting Month, when it occurred to me today that I missed November 1st. However I hope to amend the missed day, by perhaps blogging twice today, or blogging the first day of December. I’m undecided on what I’ll do and you’ll just have to wait on the edge of your seat and see.
November 1st, marks several occasions.
All Saints Day, also known as the Solemnity of All Saints. I never paid much attention to this day before being Catholic. However, it is a Holy Day of Obligation. I don’t like that term “obligation,” it makes it seems like the only reason you’re at church is because you have to be. Before being Catholic, I wasn’t into “saints”. I don’t think too much on them now, nor do I pray through the saints often. I think it’s often misinterpreted and because of religious background, I haven’t really developed in that area as some other Catholics have. I’m undecided on the subject. However, the way I view it is, those that I know that have died, perhaps they’ve made it to Heaven and yesterday I thought about them.
Yesterday also marked 1 month of Joshua and I being married. It did cross my mind at work, but we didn’t really remember it when we were home yesterday. However, Joshua feels the need to celebrate today by eating Handels. I told him he didn’t need an excuse to go get ice cream. We’ll see if his wishes come to fruition.
During the month of November I will also being doing Days of Gratitude or Days of Thanksgiving, in which I will think of one (or more) things I’m truly thankful for.
For November 1st: My husband, Joshua. I can’t picture a better husband.
November 2nd: Today I’m thankful for home. For a place that is there at the end of every long day. With warmth, food and cuddles.
As of right now, my husband is making dinner for me. He told me point blank, to “put my feet up,” while he made dinner.
As for the rest of the month, are there any topics you’d like me to hit on? I’ll be doing a few month surrounding my wedding and honeymoon. Other than that, I haven’t thought much on topics. I hope you’re well and warm.
I’m married! But before we get to all that, we have to start at the beginning. By that, I mean September 28th.
Wednesday Septemeber 28th-Friday September 30th
Wednesday was Josh and my last day of work before we headed to Ohio to tie up loose ends before “the big day.” I was schedule to work all day, but my nerves about getting everything done before we left for Ohio were through the roof. I left at 1pm and then ran around town getting the last things we needed and then headed home to finish packing. Josh got off work and ran around and did a few more things. Finally, we were both home, loading the cars and making sure the house was safe to leave alone for more than a week.
It was kind of strange, leaving. Right before we left (at 10PM), I said to him, that when we got back everything would be different. I had a moment of “OMGOSH, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!” Then, we left and made it to Ohio around midnight:30.
The following couple of days we ran around tying up the loose ends. We got our centerpieces ready, as well as the name places. We created a lot of our decorations. For the centerpieces, we bought dozens of ball jars. Inside each we had wheat seed, with wheat sticking out. We later put fresh flowers in them. In the small ball jars, we had wheat seed with a small candle.
We wanted to capture a harvest, autumn feel. With the name cards, which went on the head and family tables, we took some heavier paper and burnt the edges and hand wrote the names. They ended up looking very cool. With the chaos of that week, Josh and I had quiet time to make those name cards. It was almost therapeutic to just stand there with him and burn the paper.
One of my bridesmaids (and long time friend) Sylva, arrived on Thursday. She and I filled the jars with the wheat seed. She quite loved it out at Josh’s parents, which is hard to not do. When you have 4 golden retrievers, vying for your affection, a gorgeous sunset and rolling fields around you, it’s like going on vacation. What was most fantastic about Thursday night, was the double rainbow behind the house. The top rainbow, was a perfect rainbow, bright and we could see where it started and ended. It was just absolutely beautiful.
Some people take limosines or horse drawn carriages, but after our wedding, we decided we’d take a hay wagon, drawn by truck, chauffered by Andy (a great friend). When he brought the wagon over, in order for the wedding party to wrap in plastic (to protect by wind) and decorate with signs, it his me even more that we were really getting married. As tradition goes, Harold (Josh’s dad), hung a rosary on the tree. Once a rosary is hung on the tree, it won’t rain on your wedding day. (It did rain early in the morning, but no rain whatsoever during the day). That evening, we spent working on the slideshow we were going to show at the reception. Sylva made amazing progress on it and if it weren’t for her, we may not have ever gotten to a finished project.
On Friday, everything got rolling even more. We met at the reception hall at 8AM to begin decorating. We set the tables and chairs up, cut up the wheat and flowers, set up the gift and favor table, decorated the sign in table, the list goes on. It was all completed by 12:30 or so. At 11:00, I went to get my nails done. They were overpriced and broke Sunday morning, but they got the job done. Kayleigh arrived midday. There wasn’t much left to do and we spent some time hanging out. We ran a few more things over to the hall and then it was time for the rehearsal.
The rehearsal dinner, wedding and honeymoon await your eyes on a different blog.
Photo Credit: 1&2: Cloustudio, 3-me, 4-Bobbie Steinhauer
I was thinking the other day about reliving some moments in my life. There are some that are so taking, they hold on even years later. When I was young, I imagined that when I reached Heaven, God would have a bunch of VHS tapes waiting for me to watch containing all the special moments of my life. Along with this, I’ve always wanted to start writing down memories that come across me from time to time. I believe it was Donald Miller who spoke about how little we actually remember. He had a friend that tried to write down as much as he could. This is part one in what may turn out to be series of memories. Feel free to share some of your memories, I’d love to hear them.
I’ve been thinking about my grandma a lot lately. I think it’s partially because I’d spend so much of my summer at her place when I was younger. The way the season is starting to change, particularly in the mornings and evenings remind me of sitting on her front porch with her, reading or chatting. The sun would be sitting and the smallest chill would sit in. It also marked the end of summer and the start of school.
Today Josh bought a newspaper. I started reading the Sunday comics a long time ago when I was at Grandma’s house, way out in the country. She got the paper every day, it just became a ritual to read them every Sunday. For the Sundays I wasn’t at her house, she’d save them. She did this for years, up until her death. She’d always pull them out, place them in a special spot and the next time I visited, they’d be waiting.
I love how strongly scent can stir memory. Often times, it’s not even a specific memory, just a stir of some distant something. Cigarette smoke or just the stain of the smell on someone’es clothes often brings Grandma back to me.
***
I wrote that top portion months ago. I will try to continue with more posts about moments I’d relive. But for now, I’ll end it.
What are some moments you’d relive?
Well, yes, I know, it’s been far too long since I updated. I could throw around the excuses I have as to why this is the case, but that’s just nonsensical and a waste of time. I mostly just wanted to use the word nonsensical there.
I figure a general update is in need, so here goes.
Way back in April, I started my new job at The Capital Group Companies/American Funds. In the event you don’t know what that is, you could do a bit of Googling. In brief, they a mutual fund company. I, being the English major that I am, had next to no knowledge about mutual funds, the market and the like upon entering the job. However, after three months of training, I can say that my knowledge has grown immensely. I recently got out of training and am “on the floor.” It’s an awesome company to work for. The pay is wonderful, the benefits are awesome, the atmosphere is relaxing, the many casual days and free food are awesome bonuses. Also, the company strives always to lead with integrity and humility. In short, I’m incredibly blessed to have received such an awesome opportunity. Also, we are hiring in the near future–if you are in need of a job please let me know and I’ll pass along information to you.
Because it’s fresh on my mind, I did see the final movie installment of the Harry Potter series. I started reading the books at age 11. They have been such a huge part of my life, that watching the final movie was quite an emotional experience. It felt like I was losing a friend. I read, reread, watch, rewatched the stories so many times. When I was young, I wanted so much to be a part of the story, I would day dream about it. I know that seems quite silly and I’m sure Joshua didn’t understand why Saturday was quite heartbreaking. I don’t know how to quite put it in words. When the first movie came out, I tried to guess when the last movie would come out. I knew it would be in my 20s. It’s amazing how quickly time has flown and how much I still love the story, the characters and the hope that the books bring. I look forward to introducing the books to my children in hopes that they find the awe that I have along the way. I may blog about this subject, so if you hear some of the same stuff again–just bear with me, it’s a huge feeling of loss I have.
Wedding planning is going…hm, well, it’s going. For the most part the “major” things are out of the way. It’s knitting together all the small details now–which in all honesty are quite harder and more tiresome than the bigger details. I worry too much, mostly about everything and one coming together. We have however, nearly got our honeymoon planned out. Destination: HAWAII! Mostly though, I just can’t wait to be with Joshua every step of the way in all that life has in store for us. He’s my best friend.
We moved all of Joshua’s (and all of my big stuff) about a month ago to our new place in Carmel. It’s literally 5 minutes away from where I work. It’s most more spacious and homey. We really like it. Joshua built a little fire pit, which we’ve yet to use because it’s been 90 degrees every day. The dogs have a lot more room to hang out in the backyard. We have a little office and 2 bedrooms. We used chalk board paint to paint one of the walls in our kitchen. It’s quite neat to have a wall that we can write on! We found awesome furniture for a great price on Craigslist. Super comfy! I can’t wait to move in and share our first little home.
I graduated–as in walked at graduation. That was eventful. I should blog about that. I’m behind on the times.
I think that’s all the major developments. In other little news:
Josh and I tried rock/wall climbing. I’m a wimp and for some reason felt uncomfortable with climbing/height. I’m not afraid of heights in general. Not sure what it was.
I’m going to my first Major League Baseball game on Saturday: GO REDS.
Hurley was injured–his pelvis was broken. However, he is just about healed. We believe he was hit by a car in Ohio. It was one of the most terrifying thing I’ve dealt with. He is poor little body was so beaten up.
Hopefully you’ll hear from me sooner or later. Feel free to request a blog topic or a series of blog posts you’d like to see. I’ll see what I can do. Until then,
I love you. Don’t you forget it.
Lent is nearly over, Palm Sunday marks the start of Holy Week. This year, Holy Week and the Lenten season have been an extra special time for me as I’ve been preparing to join the Catholic Church at Easter Vigil mass. As many of you know, Joshua is a cradle Catholic and I’ve been attending mass with him since we started dating in August of 2009. While he never pushed me to convert, I came to the decision after prayer and research. I learned a lot about the Catholic Church with my religious studies minor, as well as through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults), which I started attending last May. I say “convert” lightly because as a whole I’ve not changed my beliefs, rather I’ve adopted some doctrine and practice that Catholics have.
I wanted to make this Lent a true spiritual cleansing. I decided to give up chicken and potatoes, which have often made people chuckle, unless of course you understand that nearly my entire diet revolves around those two food items. Last year, I gave up Facebook, but after a few days I hardly noticed anything. This year, I’ve constantly been reminded of Christ’s sacrifice by simply being confronted with my measly sacrifice. I’ve uttered “I love you, Jesus” or “Thank you, Lord” every time I’ve felt myself yearn for either of these items. Really though, no such comparison to Christ’s sacrifice exists, but it’s been a great reminder.
I’ve also dedicated time to reading scripture every day. I’ve started a reading plan through an app on my phone that I’ve been keeping up with. I’ve also read Proverbs, Matthew and James (although I’m not quite done with the latter two). It’s amazing how once I got into the swing of reading scripture, I’ve found myself needing to do it, not a day has gone by when I’m not reminded of the need to read it.
Part of my journey to join the Catholic Church, involves going to my first confession, also known as reconciliation. Before learning about this sacrament I had a lot of major qualms with it. Why do I need to confess my sins to a priest when I can confess them to Christ? I’ve already asked forgiveness for them, what’s the point in doing so again? A priest is just as much of a sinner as I am, right? What I’ve come to learn about confession is that, it’s rooted in scripture. Christ gives the apostles power to forgive. All Catholic priests can trace the bishop who ordained them back to the apostles, that’s pretty amazing to me.
Confession requires a great amount of humility. When I wrote all of the sins I’ve ever committed down, it weighed heavily. When I met with Father Brendan for my first confession, it was very difficult to admit to the things I’ve done. But when hearing that Christ forgave me for my sins, completely absolves me of them, it was a relief. Hearing it allowed it to sink it. The Weight of those sins lifted. It has caused me to be cautious daily of what I do and say. In 50 years, I want to be able to look back and feel like I don’t have any major failures. (If you have any questions at all regarding the Catholic Church or my decision, please feel free to ask!)
I started this blog a few days ago. Since then, one of the priests at my church died. He was in a car accident two weeks ago and passed on Tuesday. It has filled my heart with great sorrow, yet, Father Bennett was a great man of God, with wonderful stories of his life and how God has touched him. Another reminder of how fragile life is.
On Saturday, I make my profession of faith, become confirmed and receive Holy Communion for the first time. I look forward to it so much. Easter is such an emotional time for me. The story of Christ’s death, the music, the readings, everything always brings out so much emotion. Saturday will be a time of great joy for me. I pray that I continue with my Lenten devotions, that I continue to see good over evil and that most of all, I become more like Christ in everything I do.
I'm an exuberant 20 something year old seeking, exploring and finding my way.
